I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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