I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
