I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
