I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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