I'm jealous of your bromance
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
