I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
