He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
