You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
