I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
