shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
