And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
