i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
