chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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