Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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