So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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