Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
