Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
