Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize