The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
