4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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