You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
