did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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