I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
