I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
