So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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