is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
