Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
