Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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