You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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