Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
