I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
