i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
