Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
