you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
