i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
