Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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