Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
