my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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