No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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