forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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