I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
