I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ok first of all what the fuck
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
