It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
