Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
