It's Friday. Sex?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
