Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
