Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
