Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
