that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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