He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
