Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
