I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
