he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize