I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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