soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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