Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
