PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
