Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
