Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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