halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
