Just took my morning after pill in the library
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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