I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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