make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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