While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
