my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
