just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize