How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
