soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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