I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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